The Blogger

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Reality; small scale of the real world

I'm always hearing from people who have moved on from high school to University how much they miss high school. At the moment you are in high school and getting closer to graduation the feeling of a need and rush to get out is what most of us feel right? But the moment we enter university and into the second half of our life we immediately want to return back to being careless teenagers in high school.
People say that High School = some of the best years of your life and some people also say university/college = best 4 years of your life. Reality is the best years of your life aren't really confined to these standards and it is truthfully what we choose to make of it, or what we have gained and experienced from it. I am writing this post now as I am now going to be graduating in the class of 2012 and from the last 4 years, rather than the best years it has been a more bitter and more depressingly disappointing year, one after the other.
What I've learned is not everything is always so pleasant and not everyone is going to give shit about you the moment you are irrelevant. Once you're out you become semi-invisible or just non-existent half the time to some people, whether it's a fact they realize it or not. It's like reality in high school is the same as the real world, just on a much smaller scale. People are selfish by nature and you know what, they want what is to their benefit over what is to others first. You may say, "why are you complaining? IS it not your own fault for not trying to keep close with friends?" "Well aren't you selfish too?" "How can you be so negative about this when it's not like you're trying to make things better?" Why not complain? It's a fact and I'm complaining cause it's true, my complaints do nothing but it does address the issue doesn't it? Is it my fault when I try to I'm still irrelevant so why waste the time to put in effort to something that would just make me upset in the end? I am a selfish person, why else would i write about this? I'm negative in this post but it's just my personal experience.
I have found myself drifting away from a lot of former friends and really it's to the point I don't know if I should be able to even speak of private matters openly without being worried of it being accidentally mentioned to others. Every year it feels like I drift a bit more and now all I want to do is leave high school and find people I can really connect with again. The only thing I have gained is that no matter what your family can probably be your best friend whenever you need them, because they'll always be there for you. And strangely enough as I am saying that, I have had problems with my family before and have also been openly criticized for my relationship with my mother by friends as well.
Some people aren't as lucky as I am to have been able to build an open relationship and a very casual friendly kind of relationship with my family. We are able to communicate without hesitation to each other and openly talk about anything, I can even criticize my mother and she would not find it rude as she does the same to me all the time. I rebuttal against her and argue against her statements and she does the same to me. We piss each other off all the time but we are close in that sense. I've been told to appreciate her more and people feel that my relationship with my mother comes off as "bad". I respect my parents for letting me live an above average life and being open with me as much as I am with them. I don't lie to them anymore, nor do I have to, I don't feel scared about telling them what I want in my life and what I do in my life. I mean I told my mother we were going to be drinking at after prom and I might not even come back till early morning if I couldn't get a cab back and if people were too wasted. I don't see how having a friendship with your parents can be viewed as not appreciating them or that you lack love for your family because of that. I love and hate them. I get pissed at them at vent and swear/ lash out but I can still maintain a good relationship.
I am getting off topic a bit but I wanted to talk about the reality of high school and the reality of the people around you then. Maybe you get lucky and find really amazing people who you're super close to but for me I only have one or two I feel I can be close to still after 4 years. As depressing as I sound, it's the truth from my point of view, maybe some of you disagree with that and still believe I'm just pushing people out. Nope, I'm just not making the effort anymore to try and keep people around me and even trying to "catch up" with others. People who want to be relevant in my future will make sure to do so, and I will return that effort. People who don't care just won't be there and I won't care for them much either. I am already feeling quite invisible in these peoples lives so why must I have to push myself to become visible to them when they can't see me in their eyes already? They don't want to so I shall not make the effort to do so.
I will tell you guys this, high school should be an experience where you really do grow up a lot from where you started. It will amaze you when you look back from the last 4 years and see how much you have changed, from attitude to maturity. I may be immature at times still but I feel like my interests have grown much bigger than just gossiping and requiring people around me to feel happy.